


I Won't Say I'm In Love.

by SemeGal



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Biting, Crying, KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, Mentions Of Puke, Rain, Yaoi, using
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:46:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6043783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SemeGal/pseuds/SemeGal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma confesses to his best friend, slightly tipsy, on New Years Eve and gets shot down.<br/>Kuroo feels bad, and offers the boy the chance to have sex, it was only supposed to be once with no strings attached, but it happened last New Years as well. And even this time.<br/>Kuroo's afraid of hurting him, not wanting to push Kenma too far even if he thinks he desires something more, too unsure of himself plus the captain doesn't want anything to change between them.. He doesn't want to open up the same way Kenma has to him because in the back of his mind he still feels it dangerous to do so.</p><p>But it's a little late for going back now.. You don't get to choose when or who with you fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'll Whisper You Sweet Nothings After You're Gone.

Kenma watched the minutes pass by on the corner of his handheld console, even if they were passing by at normal speed, it felt ten times longer when you were anxious..  
The boy’s stomach twisted itself in knots, of various kinds, his mind was racing and the it felt like time itself was slowing down. It was slowing down on purpose and he cursed it.  
A larger part of him wanted Kuroo to come early, get it over with, but he knew deep down inside he savoured every touch, every brush, every kiss and thrust. All of it was something he could never stop thinking about, and to think it was an annual thing once a year.

You’d think that’d be enough to satisfy him.

It never was, Kenma was left the next day wanting more of him, of this, whatever this was. But, he had gotten shot down a long time ago for that. Kenma often felt this activity was more of pity, then free will, but if it was to sympathize with the boy, why did his captain always look at him? If it was out of pity, wouldn’t you not want to see the person’s face? Perhaps he was looking too far into it, and that was a good possibility, but.. It got him to sleep at night, that sliver of hope that maybe one day.. There would be something beyond just sex for them.

Kuroo was starting to wonder more and more, what it would be like to see his long time friend like that everyday. A whimpering, moaning mess just at his touch. Or would Kenma get use to it, bored of him, he has no more use so why keep him around? No, that’s not how Kenma worked. But it was what his mind went to. Of course, the bad things.  
Kuroo, didn’t do it out of pity exactly. At first it was, it was to apologize for the rejection. Saying sorry with his body was negotiable, but.. Somehow he didn’t exactly regret it.  
At first, he could clearly tell the boy wanted more. But he was pressed to his limit then, not wanting to push their already close friendship even more. He felt like perhaps that was pushing his own luck, and Kenma needed him. It was for him, right?

Or was he just scared, that he fell in love?

That question tugged at his mind, for days, weeks, months, was he in love? The more the days passed by, the more usual Kenma seemed to be. Yet the senior was tearing himself apart. Even if his friend didn’t fully realize it. He was better at putting up fronts than most.  
But, to start with, what was love? Kuroo.. Was still confused on that concept itself, but he knew he wanted Kenma in a different way, in fact, he felt himself get eager for when the ball dropped. Not so much for the new year, but just so he could touch the boy. It was the one time he allowed himself to step past the guidelines of their friendship. If they hadn’t already broken a million rules and do-nots there was no going back.

Even with the eagerness, there was still regret that formed in the seniors stomach, next year he might not be able to do this.. College weighs heavy on people, what could he do then? Drop everything and go to him? That… Seemed irrational. To his brain that was, his heart jumped at the idea.  
Sighing and letting his shoulders slump, only momentarily, before his grin was plastered back on, looking to his teammates who were having a good time, swirling the alcohol in his plastic cup Kuroo watched his reflection, the grin faded in and out, faltering, like he didn’t really want to smile at all..  
Throwing back his head full of tussled locks Kuroo chugged his drink, licking his lips and letting out a deep breath as he glanced to the clock, chest tightening in mixed emotions, almost as mixed as all the alcohol here. And the time approached like a ticking time bomb.

Weaving his way through the crowd the captain knew it would take him a minute to get through all the people, and dump off his solo cup in the nearly overflowing trash can and make his way up to his bedroom quietly, so he started early. Wouldn’t want to disappoint your one time lover and everyday best friend, right?

Kenma did his best to push down the anxiety swelling in his stomach, pressing the buttons a bit more aggressively it became harder and harder to focus as his hands shook, it was almost like he was off in another land and someone was shaking his body to try to wake him up, but after smacking himself in the face and blinking aggressively, Kenma realized he was in the same realm, same room, same pit in his stomach about to burn a hole through his body.

While, his body was more than ready for this, Kenmas mental state was not prepared at all. He had just been buying time by playing games like he always did, and ignored anything he might’ve needed to do. And then again, maybe it was safer that way.

Golden eyes flickered up at the sound of footsteps, he silently hoped it was Kuroo and not some drunk couple looking to get off, like in those stupid high school themed movies that were never entirely accurate. School was a lot more boring than what they showed..  
Watching the handle twist slowly the setter suddenly became aware of his appearance, shrugging off his jacket quickly he tossed it to the side, his game landing on the soft fabric before he faced the door again, legs cross and palms pushed into his ankles. Eyes finding that far more interesting than seeing who it was, he already knew.

Kuroo peeked inside the room, as if Kenma wouldn’t be there.  
Spotting the boy immediately his heavy heart lifted ever so slightly, seeing him, even if his head was down and he fidgeted, Kuroo had grown to love every bit of the boy. Wait. Not like that..  
Even if they weren’t making eye contact, he was sure Kenma was flushing behind his hair as his head only sunk lower, eyes clouding over as he caught the others cologne, the same scent Kenma smelled on himself after every time, he almost never wanted to shower. That was until it wore off, and then he just felt dirty. Used, sometimes that was a worse feeling, and maybe that should’ve convinced him to make this stop the last two times. But how could he?

Kenmas throat constricted, hearing the soft footsteps make their way across the floor after the door was shut, and locked.  
He didn’t even bother looking up on his own, as the bed dipped Kuroo gripped his chin, lifting his face to see exactly what he wanted. And in turn Kenma got the expression he wanted as well.  
Deep, brown eyes laced with need, and the desire to feel skin on skin.  
There wasn’t room for small talk, both knew what the other wanted, so their bodies worked perfectly together. There was no clumsiness, or cute awkward moments to look back on, it was pure lust.

Above all. What else could they be?

Kenma hummed as the hem of his t-shirt was tugged, severing the searing kiss he wasn’t even sure when it started, he just knew he wanted to feel his lips again, whether they be on his own reddening ones, or if they would find their way to somewhere on his body. Kenma wasn’t picky, even if his stomach was doing flips, the anxiety still present. He wanted to push it down, but that’s easier said than done.  
Letting out a low sigh of pleasure the boy wrapped his arms around his friend’s neck, the wet and warm kisses felt far too good, better than last time he presumed. Sometimes Kenma pondered if Kuroo read up on these things? No, not possible.. He’s just.. Naturally good. The boy had to push back the thoughts of all the whispers conversations he overheard between Kuroo and Yamamoto about girls, Kenma never liked girls, so he could never bond with them like that. Not that he truly wanted to..

His possessiveness reared its ugly head at the thought, latching his hands onto the sheets Kenma needed to focus on here and now. Not.. That.

Tilting his head back to provide more area he cursed himself, pushing back those thoughts he wanted to enjoy this. He needed to enjoy this.  
Kenmas eyes fluttered open, feeling his friend pull away he was sent into a brief moment of panic, did he say something? Did he do something? Did Kuroo sense something?

No, he was just taking off his shirt.

Relaxing his face before his friend could see Kenma melted back into the mattress, not even bothering to look at his friend, too busy trying to calm his shot nerves as he focused on the ceiling.  
When Kenma got nervous, he bit his bottom lip, while sexy to the captain he hurried to find a way to distract his friend. Might as well keep moving.. That could act as a fine distraction, even if he felt a pang of guilt.  
Tugging at the loose-fitting cotton shorts, Kuroo smirked to himself as he gained Kenmas attention, the flush spreading across his face again as he lifted his hips shakily, whimpering softly as Kuroo gently scraped his nails on the way down.  
Put on a front, convince Kenma you aren’t feeling just as anxious, that’s what Kuroo chanted to himself, if this was a one time thing he at least wanted to do it right...

Being completely naked, Kenma was quick to cover himself as always, turning from tossing the underwear and shorts to the side Kuroo’s grin furthered, oh how cute..  
Leaning in closer again Kuroo snagged the others pouty bottom lip, tugging on it softly before diving in for another smoldering kiss, it was almost suffocating, like one kiss stole Kenmas whole oxygen supply away in one foul swoop. No, more like a bittersweet swoop..

Kenma couldn’t help but groan into the kiss, relaxing his body as his wrist were gripped and pinned to the soft pillow behind him, Kuroo.. Had knack for getting him to do things. While he never used it in an immature way, it was certainly something apparent to the boy.  
It was likewise, from Kenma to Kuroo, those big golden hues could get him to do anything, if Kenma asked him to kill man he wasn’t sure he could deny him. Just like he couldn’t deny at least touching him that night.. Such a desperate face.

The thing that was scary, was that neither knew of the power they held over each other.

Kuroo wanted to speed things up, rubbing his clothed half against Kenma’s naked lower body they both let out a mutual hum, arching his back Kenma broke the kiss and let out a breathy moan as his lips were free, he would’ve sunk his fingertips into his friend’s messy hair by now if it weren’t for his large hands covering his own, unable to move them Kenma was quick to accept his position. For now at least.

Moving his lips from hovering over the other’s, thoroughly satisfied with the panting mess he made out of his friend already Kuroo moved his mouth to ghost over the boy’s neck, licking up the side of it until he reached Kenmas ear, bearing his teeth Kuroo took his earlobe between his teeth, quite happy with the small gasp he was given in return.  
Kenma moved his legs, which was pretty much the only thing he could move besides his torso, and wrapped them around Kuroo’s waist, grinding up into his friends clothed groin.  
A small shiver ran up the captains spine, letting out a shaky hum he let himself loose for a moment, pushing right back against Kenmas hips.

But, he wouldn’t allow himself to get lost yet.

Keeping the boy’s wrist pinned with one hand, Kuroo let his free hand run down Kenmas chest, stopping just above his pulsing arousal to drag his finger back up, nails digging in.  
It felt so good, so damn good, Kenma couldn’t help but push his head further into the pillow as his eyes clenched shut, a low whine bubbling in his throat. The feeling almost made him, drunk, like he could let go of everything and entrust Kuroo with his care and pleasure.  
Grinning from ear to ear Kuroo leaned in closer, again, nipping along the boy’s collar bone, just lightly. Enough to make him want to go crazy.  
If he kept doing this, kept living in the moment it could just as easily push past the thoughts in his head, he’d get to those someday.

But could someday be too late?

Feeling his small mission was a success Kuroo pulled away, releasing the boy’s wrist as he leaned away enough to admire his work, a hand reaching down to dance across Kenmas navel, pressing his fingertips into the soft flesh he ran them down lower, past the needy cock and right onto his thigh, soon Kuroo’s other hand joined in, spreading his one time lovers legs. He wanted to see everything, imprint it in his mind for later, even if the memories became bitter themselves became bitter.

Kenmas conscious screamed every time, claiming this was bad, it needed to be stopped, and maybe that was true. But gods did it feel too right to be wrong.  
Averting his eyes as Kuroo stared down at his body like a hungry predator Kenma had to swallow his pride, almost sighing in relief as his legs were freed, only to look forward and watch his friend unbuckle his belt. God the anxiety was racing through his veins like the blood he bled but Kenma was too overpowered with the want and need to give a damn.

And here it comes, when it all starts in slow motion it ends in a white-hot flash.

Everything that begins must have an end, right? Nothing is infinite in this world, but for once he’d like to defy the universe, or increase their stamina, something, even if he had to sell his soul Kenma was sure he wouldn’t hesitate if he got his best friend’s body all to himself. Selfish, right? Not so much in his eyes, when you finally find the person, that single person that understands just who you are and accepts the things you are and do, doesn’t hesitate and gives you full honesty and makes your heart skip a beat, you’d do anything to make sure they were by your side.

But that also meant pushing down feelings, because feelings like this.. Like this were dangerous.

Kenma inhaled sharply as a saliva slicked finger pressed against his entrance, toes curling into the bed as he did his best to relax, it was all happening so fast, his body was already heating up and clung to the sheets, his clammy hands reaching down to grip those soft blankets of his friend’s bed. It smelled like him all around, somewhere Kenma felt safe and sound, like nothing could hurt him here.

How naive.

Damn did he look so erotic, saliva just peeking out of the corner of his mouth, eyes rolling forward and back depending on where Kuroo’s fingers were, he almost forgot this face, the face of his friend in utter pleasure. Why would he want to forget this?  
Leaning down Kuroo devoured those swollen lips, adding in a second and third finger as he stretched the boy, sex once a year gave plenty of time to tighten up, especially when he knew Kenma didn’t sleep around, hell it took ages for Kuroo just to be able to hug the boy. He wasn’t one to throw around his affection.

But.. Kuroo was a little different.  
Kuroo was the kind to flirt it up when he wanted, sometimes in front of Kenma, which made things rather painful for the boy. Kuroo could also be ignorant at times.. But, Kenma wasn’t thinking about all of that, not now.  
There wasn’t much on his mind besides the fact that this was feeling so damn good, and that his friend needed to hurry up.  
Wrapping his legs loosely around Kuroo’s waist Kenma bucked his hips, a low moan flowing past his lips only to be swallowed up by Kuroo, he got the hint, he got it loud and clear.

Pulling away completely Kuroo sat back on his knees, focusing on his belt rather than teasing his friend.  
While Kenma was thankful for the advancement, he shivered at the lack of heat, his now free arms went to cover his bare.  
Breathing out a sigh the captain’s shaky hands pushed down his own pants, Kuroo didn’t even bother with a condom, barely any lube past his own saliva before he leaned in again and pressed the tip to Kenmas entrance.  
You’d think, he’d have all year to be prepared, but.. Maybe that was the point.  
A shuttering gasp passed through the boy’s lips as Kuroo pressed in, maybe he wanted him to remember this. There was always a slight ache in the morning from it all, his butt always felt weird after being filled up, but Kenma wouldn’t deny that, that feeling got better and better the more he felt it. Which had only been twice. But he wanted to feel it more, to do more things than just sex.

Clutching onto Kuroo’s shoulders as if it were his lifeline Kenma panted, squeezing his eyes shut as his legs quivered around his friend’s waist. God why was he this big..  
Kenma was tight, Kuroo debated silently whether it was just the fact that he hadn’t sexy in nearly a year, or if it was just him not relaxing..  
Pushing his face into the boy’s neck Kuroo started trying to plant soft kisses, pausing his motions even if he was rather eager for this, the heat wrapping around his cock was nearly suffocatingly tight. He needed to relax before someone got seriously hurt.

At the kisses Kenma tensed, but soon let himself sink into the mattress again as Kuroo started to whisper things in his ear, ‘like relax’, ‘it’s okay’, he could’ve said anything with that smooth voice and Kenma would’ve believed it.

Even if he whispered-’I love you’ Even if Kenmas conscious told him it was a lie, in the moment  
he’d believe it his whole life.

That was why this was so dangerous.

Calloused hand slid their way under Kenmas small back and brought him closer to Kuroo’s chest, Kenma was more than willing to wrap his arms around his friend’s neck and tighten his trembling legs, biting down on Kuroo’s shoulder to muffle the moans as he pushed in some more, hissing at the bite.

It felt good, intoxicatingly so, Kenma didn’t want the feeling to disappear, but he wanted to reach nirvana more than anything. The constant self battle, in the end it was Kuroo who decided how fast he would go, how hard he would pound into the smaller boy’s body, the setter was once in a blue moon out of control.

And in a sadistic way, he liked it.

Pushing in till he was fully sheathed Kuroo breathed out a sigh, like he had been holding his breath the whole time.  
The only things he could hear were his racing heartbeat, and the higher pitched pants of his best friend, the music and crowd chatter were but distant noise, buzzing in the background as Kuroo’s mind was only focused on his desire.  
Leaning away now just enough to look at Kenmas face the captain took but a moment to admire the flushed complexion, the drool that had once only been barely there was now coming out of both corners of the boy’s mouth, lips parted as light puffs of breath mixed with mild exhaustion left the others throat, bruised lips only closing around the tongue that licked over them as they dried out.  
Kuroo felt so overwhelmed for once in his life, he wanted to devour Kenmas mouth, but yet his whole body. One couldn’t do that in one night.. Could they?

Deciding to focus on the boy’s whole body rather than those, delicious looking lips Kuroo moved his hands lower on Kenmas back, letting his upper half relax into the sheets while he supported the bottom, gripping his hips quite fondly before he sped up the movements of his own hips.

Kuroo did his best be somewhat slow, trying to enjoy the moment but damn was it hard when Kenma kept making those noises, and god those faces, the face he wanted to kiss so fucking badly. No, focus.. Focus.. Fuck.  
Kenma couldn’t help it, this was his guilty pleasure, the thing that he dreamed about for weeks, months. So he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to enjoy the hell out of this.  
And that he did, fingers curling into Kuroo’s sheets Kenma couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed, in the best way possible as his legs trembled and his body kept arching into the air, the dizziness already setting in and there wasn’t much else on his mind besides the cock pounding into him.

Fuck, fuck did he already want to cum, Kuroo let out a few breathless huffs and grunts, hazy eyes trying their best to focus on what he had wanted so badly to do since last time they slept together like this. But gods was it ending so quickly, he grasped at strings, single threads, trying to piece his sanity back together.

Kenma felt his stomach tighten, the feeling in his own limbs becoming fuzzy and his head rolled from side to side moaning out, the sounds becoming course as his throat dried out, but damn he couldn’t shut up.  
The warm hand that reached down to stroke his aching cock sent him over the edge, perhaps he screamed, or were those a soft pair lips covering his own? Either way he felt good.. It was like he was being sent to cloud nine. How long would this make shift heaven last?

Kuroo wasn’t far off, the last hand quickly moving from under Kenmas hips and planting themselves beside the boy’s body to brace himself, his lower half shaking as he emptied out the built up release, a loud sigh of pleasure passing by his lips as he ran his tongue over them, trying to bring some kind of moisture back into the dry lips, falling the rest of the way forward onto his friend’s spent body.

The two spent male’s laid there, unwilling to move but unwilling to sleep. In fear that one or the other would disappear in the morning, even if that was quite impossible for Kenma, as he was weighed down. Not that he minded too much.. He wanted to lay here and stare at his friend’s face after he fell asleep, Kenma often liked to whisper his affection to Kuroo after he was fast off in dreamland, it made him feel better. In whatever weird it could.

  
Panting against the boy’s chest Kuroo lifted his head enough to plant a small wet kiss before he gathered the energy and rolled their bodies, that was after pulling out. Hugging Kenma close at the sight of a shiver, even if it wasn’t exactly from the cold.  
Kenma placed his hands against his friends chest, his breathing slowing down as his eyelids became heavy.  
Becoming slightly paranoid and nervous, Kenma looked up to Kuroo, seeing as his eyes were closed, and listening to his heart rate slow down Kenma decided perhaps now was a good time.. Before he himself joined him in the place of sleep.

“I love you..”

Kenma mumbled to himself, drawing a small circle on Kuroo’s chest, his eyes always started to sting when this happened, the slight regret forming in his stomach as his pent of feelings were being released. He almost wanted to scream them, but it wasn’t like Kuroo didn’t know..

“I’ve always loved you.. Everything..”

Leaning in he hesitated, like every time, but he still placed a small peck against Kuroo’s collarbone, whimpering softly in his throat as he tried to get rid of the tears in his eyes.

“Even if.. You’ll never love me..”

Taking a pause to collect himself Kenma gulped, nuzzling back into Kuroo’s chest, at least he might as well enjoy the contact while possible..

“I’ll always love you.. Kuroo.”

~Till Next Time~


	2. Done With Your 'Love'

Mornings were tough, mentally and physically.  
Luckily, for Kenma the bed was empty. About as empty as his chest felt at the moment.  
Disatisfaction crossed the boy’s features as he rolled onto his back and looked to the right, the note standing up proudly on the nightstand in his best friends room, like he had taken the time just to leave it here. Usually he didn’t even leave a note, sometimes they woke up together, or he had a text waiting for him. Something told him this time was different, but didn’t he think that every time?  
Kenma wondered, if when Kuroo woke up, did he play with his hair? Did he watch him sleep? Or did he just scurry off, regret sinking in at a scary rate once he saw his setters face.

A big part of him assumed the last notion.

Wiggling his way over the short distance Kenma threw his hand out and gripped the piece of folded paper shakily, bringing it over the bed and dropping it on his chest, opening it up to see what message Kuroo left him this time..

‘Had to go, Karasuno’s coming over for a practice match and I want to get in extra practice. You should come down when you’re ready.’  
-Kuroo.

Scoffing and tossing the note, watching it flutter through the air before landing on the floor with a soft sound that barely anyone could hear, Kenma sighed, of course he would use that excuse.  
Karasuno wasn’t coming over for another week or so.. What a bullshit excuse. He had plenty of time.  
Laying an arm over his face Kenma decided he wanted to spend a little more time in this bed, laying in his friends scent and feeling his sheets rub against his bare skin, that sounded relaxing.. And comforting. He needed this, to let himself bathe in the feeling of what he wouldn’t have, for at least another year.  
He’d clean up and go to practice. Later, that was.

Kuroo let the lump slide down his throat, still silently hoping Kenma never woke up while he was still there, watching him sleep.  
The very thought of that every time made his skin crawl, a pit forming in his stomach.  
Something about watching the boy’s chest fall and rise, little squeaks and the way his face looked so at peace while sleeping were all things that got Kuroo’s heart racing, and put a smile on his face even after what had been done. Even after the regret sank deep, it was like mixing oil and water, and the latter sunk down below the surface, but it was only a matter of time before the container over filled and the water over poured itself. Raining on his parade of happiness.

Speaking of Kenma.. Did he grab his phone?  
Patting himself over quickly Kuroo froze in the street, oh Gods did he..   
Kneeling down urgently the captain tore through his over the shoulder bag, he didn’t have a set time he needed to be there because it was Sunday, but he didn’t want to go back to the house just in case Kenma was awake.  
Rubbing his forehead softly Kuroo hung his head, letting the only opening close he sighed, a part of him wanted to go back, to see if he was still sleeping and if so, if he could get a picture to prove angels exist.. How cheesy could he get at this point? Though, he wouldn’t show it to a soul. No one, no one but him got to see that.

Yet if he was so possessive, why didn’t he just ask Kenma out?

But then another part, was full of dread.. And regret. But Kuroo knew he needed his phone today, with his parents being out of town they needed to be able to contact him and that was pretty much the only way. He couldn’t very well take the home phone with him.

Kenma sighed softly into the hair gel scented pillows, they weren’t sticky or gross, but you could tell there had been nights where Kuroo hadn’t showered and just dropped into bed. But they had been washed, except it’s hard to shake that scent. 

Not that Kenma minded.

Rubbing his face against the dark pillow cases he was always able to relax in Kuroo’s bed, it was one of the most comforting places for him. He wondered if his friend’s bed smelled like him after he left.. Or did he need to be here longer for that? Did he.. Want this bed to smell like him too? Eventually.. Maybe?  
Too many questions and not enough energy to answer them all Kenma slowly felt himself drifting back to sleep, practice would.. Wait.. So would the worry and regret later on.

Kuroo made his way into his bedroom, opening the door as quietly as possible and cringing softly as it squeaked. Damn door, he made a mental note to grease it later.   
Spotting his friend on the bed Kuroo froze, so Kenma was still asleep? Or did he go back to sleep? Either way, Kuroo wanted to be quiet. Because lord knows he didn’t want to wake the boy up and have an awkward conversation, or a series of soft grunts, something to that effect that just made the already awkward friendship worse.

Stepping around the bed that was centered in his room he went to the left, picking up the cell and stuffing it into his bag hastily.  
Watching Kenmas back rise and fall was unusually soothing, he looked so at peace there tangled in the soft sheets of his bed. Kuroo almost wanted to see this everyday..  
Feeling his heart rate jump and his cheeks flush at the thought of everything under the covers he shivered, what was this strange feeling in his stomach? The tingling in his nether regions, it felt like he was on fire. Were his cheeks burning that bad?

Kuroo couldn’t stop his feet, they moved on their own accord as he approached the side of the bed, looming over it as he watched Kenma breath, his spine arching and relaxing, eyes twitching, did that mean he was awake? Or just dreaming.  
Hopefully, it was the latter.  
If Kuroo remembered correctly, his friend was someone who was hard to wake up. A heavy sleeper if you will. Which was probably the only reason he climbed onto the bed, swinging a long leg around to straddle the boy’s hips from behind.

His breathing didn’t falter, didn’t miss a beat in fact. Kuroo smiled to himself at all the mushy thoughts running through his head, Kenma looked so good all wrapped up in his blankets.. Woah, slow down.. Did he.. No.  
Letting the lump that formed back in his throat yet again slide down Kuroo let out a shaky breath, hands quivering as they reached down without his mind’s consent and pulled down the covers, revealing a pale, soft fleshed back of his best friend.

What the hell was he doing..

He was a heavy sleeper.. Not a big deal, right?   
Leaning in Kuroo hesitantly placed a small kiss, barely a peck between Kenmas shoulder blades.  
The boy tried his best to act asleep, remaining calm with the kiss, but it was hard considering how much he wanted to shudder out a sigh and melt into the sheets.  
Unknowing to the fact that his friend was awake, Kuroo took the consistent breathing as a sleeping state, and placed a few more kisses that weren’t so subtle and soft. In fact, they got sloppier and warmer as he went on, making it all the more difficult for Kenma to stay calm. Luckily he could grip the underneath of the pillow, trying to not show movement as best as possible.

Placing his hands on either side of Kenmas ribs he leaned in closer, close enough to where Kenma could feel his breath fan against his skin and started placing far hotter kisses down the middle of the boy’s spine, back up and across his shoulder blades.

“God.. I want to see you like this everyday..”

Kenmas breathing nearly stopped due to the whispered words, he wanted that too? Kenma wouldn’t mind it, even at the subtle confession there was hesitant, he knew what he wanted but how to say it was another thing. Everything they put at risk as well, was it worth it?  
Kuroo was getting confident, way too confident and started saying more.

“God.. I wish I knew how I felt..”

A few more kisses later and Kenmas back was covered in little red marks, pulling the covers back over his friend’s body Kuroo knew he had places to be.. Even if his body was hesitant to move away from the others warm flesh, covered in his saliva, he wanted to do more, touch him more, but Kuroo knew he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back. What if he woke up? Questioned him? He didn’t want to lead Kenma on, he knew it was stupid to keep this once a year thing going, it wasn’t fair. But, he couldn’t help it. It’s not like it would matter next year, anyways.

Kenma stilled as he felt the pressure relieve, Kuroo was off of the bed now and as soon as he heard the door latch and footsteps down the stairs Kenma let out an almost dramatic sigh.  
That.. Was one of the most straining things he had done in a while, trying to hold back the tiny gasp and shivers , rolling over on his back again Kenma pulled the sheets close, up high enough to cover his mouth but not eyes.

What.. What was that?

Replaying the events in his head while trying to still his heart Kenmas brows furrowed, ‘God… I want to see you like this everyday..’ what was that supposed to mean? Knowing Kuroo, probably exactly what it meant.. But there was definitely some pain behind his second sentence. Something that made Kenma worry. But also, angered him.  
The dread that poured from those words, like venom. But it wasn’t venom being spat at what was thought to be his sleeping body, but words Kuroo made sound cold for himself. Like he wanted to punish himself for something.. Like he regretted this, regretted touching Kenma.

If.. That was the case, then he should’ve said something sooner.

If there’s no love there, it’s not a romantic relationship, but.. Platonic. But, what were they? Just friends with occasional benefits? That.. Didn’t sit well with Kenma. If there was no chemistry, what was the point?  
He had been complacent, not thinking too hard about their situation and just fantasizing the next time.   
If, Kuroo was going to come around. Wouldn’t he have by now? Wouldn’t he have decided? Why hasn’t.. This.. Whatever this was, isn’t fair, not by a mile. Kenma.. Could do better.

Could he?

Throwing the sheets off Kenma let his legs swing down off the bed, sitting on the side for a few minutes, hesitation as the guilt and regret seemed to sink in. But this wasn’t.. The usual.  
There was more hate, and betrayal, he felt cheated by Kuroo, like all this waiting around was for nothing, and his ‘Best friend’ would continue leading him on regardless, he was going to college in a few months anyways.. Probably just buying time till then to sympathize with his best friend.

Stupid.. Naive.. Cheated and used. No amount of practice and sweating could ever make Kenma feel this dirty.  
Standing up a little too fast Kenma wobbled, hands stretching out to stabilize himself.  
Cringing as the release from their previous night spent together moved inside of him, he wanted to be clean, clean of this and memories of it. Why couldn’t he just reverse it? Drop it, forget it, forget him.. Maybe.. That was too far. But there were certainly things he wanted to forget, and having sex with Kuroo was one of them.

Shuffling to the bathroom Kenma pushed open the door, he knew how to work the shower, it was like he had the whole map of Kuroo’s room memorized and he hated himself for that. He hated himself for a lot of things right now.  
A frown sketched on his face Kenma flung open the shower curtain, it wasn’t its fault, Kenma blamed himself, it was his fault for ever becoming that weak, that opened up, it made him want to throw up.

Stepping in he was quick to close it again, turning on the hot water first. It always felt like the steam got him cleaner somehow, but Kenma was quick to turn on the cold just enough to stifle the flesh burning heat.  
And then he stood, tears he had wanted to hold back mixing with the water as they rolled down his face.  
Hands planted against the wall where the faucet hung he hated the pitiful whimpers he let out, the way his whole body shook with sobs as everything repeated in his mind, from last night and mere moments ago. He felt.. Disgusting.

Cheated, betrayed, stabbed… Stabbed in the back, like someone twisted the knife around. Kuroo, twisted the knife.  
Why couldn’t he had said something, like-’I wish I could tell you I love you.’ or something.. Something that would’ve given the boy hope for something more, while his second sentence and even the first gave him a glimmer, it wasn’t enough, he’s had it. All of it, it’s the third year this has happened and Kuroo hasn’t even gotten this close to him before the night after, hell they didn’t speak after the first time. It almost seemed like Kuroo avoided him and kept distracting himself with silly things and no longer held after practice chit-chats and just let the message pass on through Yaku to Kenma, which was frustrating.

But even then, he followed, because Kuroo has been the only good thing to him. How could you separate yourself.. From that one thing? When that one thing has been your life line, is such a huge part of your life, yet it’s the thing hurting you most.

How cruel. It’s mutiny.

Kuroo finds himself unable to focus, ironically enough, the volleyball spinning and freezing in his hands resembled his thoughts, and memories soaring through his mind.  
By now, he was receiving odd stares from the other members, but it took Yaku to tap him on the back to grab the captain’s attention, he was quick to apologize, and continued with practice. But the libero pulled Yamamoto off to the side, this needed to be discussed. He could no longer ignore the slight changes, and effects whatever happened around this year with him and Kenma.

“Neh, Yamamoto? Haven’t you noticed something odd with Kuroo-san and Kenma-san these last two years? Around this time in fact.”

Yamamoto tilted his head to the side, blinking hesitantly as he racked his brain of everything, Yaku was indeed right. Not that he was often wrong, though he had yet to really notice.  
Nodding slowly Yamamoto tilted his upper half down to Yaku’s level, unconsciously. But the far shorter male let it slide.

“I have, it’s kinda weird ya know? I hadn’t quite linked the two, I thought maybe it was new year’s blues or something.. But this is a bit of a pattern, eh..”

Nodding slowly Yaku eye balled Kuroo the rest of practice, his movements were sluggish, making mistakes maybe a first year would make when they were nervous. But he was distracted more than anything. The second and third years never talked about it, before Yamamoto and Yaku that was.  
But even Lev, the most oblivious person on their team picked up on it.

“Yaku-san.. Does Kuroo-san seem a bit off?”

Nodding slowly Yaku passed the ball back to one of their new members, placing his hands on his hips as he scanned over the room.  
If Lev was noticing, that only brought the question of how much everyone else was noticing.  
Right as Yaku was about to reply Kenma entered the gym, which caught a few of the members attentions, including his and Yamamoto’s, Kuroo seemed to keep his distance. Going more silent than he already was as they greeted the boy.

His hair was still a bit wet, but he brushed off the unsolicited advice from his senior to have let it dry before coming. Kuroo didn’t own a hair dryer, not that they needed to know that small detail.  
Practice continued, but Kuroo didn’t ask for tosses from Kenma to practice spikes, and Kenma didn’t offer. They practiced on their own and those small details, once you started noticing, were really scary. Considering those two always walked together, practiced together, they were constantly talking or at the very least around each other. And these facts only made it worse, it stuck out like a sore thumb to Yaku and Yamamoto.

They couldn’t just watch, but how could they intervene? Where do they start with no grounds of what might’ve happened, they don’t even have a clue.  
The more they watched, the more both of them got frustrated.

“What do we do.. Yaku-san?”

Good question..

~Till Next Time~


	3. Ignorance Is Bliss, Isn't it?

Yaku knew something had to be done, anything really. This would be his, and Kuroo’s last year on the team. More than any moment now, he wanted to make every second worth it.  
He’d probably get yelled at for meddling in his captain’s business and following him after school. But he couldn’t sit by idly any longer. This was something too out of the ordinary for his liking.  
Since Yamamoto had been on his side at this point, bringing it up himself, he stuck his underling to watching Kenma. Someone needed to be following both of them, considering they didn’t leave together as usual. And Lev was too clumsy, plus they didn’t really need him. Yaku just silently prayed he stayed away and went home like he promised instead of charging in himself alone. Yaku nor Yamamoto wanted to fill him in on the details, the twinkle in his eye at the mere thought of major drama concerned Yaku.

Keeping a good distance away, Yaku watched his captain, and long-term friend. Hoping this wasn’t all for nothing and maybe they weren't looking into this all too much.  
His heart rate shot up a bit too fast, palms growing sweaty as he hoped every step he took was as silent as he believed they were. But in the same breath it gave him a weird thrill no normal life could, maybe he was meant to be a spy?

Kuroo felt guilty, horribly so. But what was he supposed to do? Really there was a lot he could be doing now. He could be trying to talk things over with the boy, explain himself, and maybe even then that would be pouring salt in the wound. And really, the sickness in his stomach felt like there was no real room for excuses now.

Kenma pulled out his phone, inhaling sharply as he unlocked it. His home screen a familiar picture of himself and Kuroo when they were children. If they knew then, what would happen now, would the younger Kenma try to prevent this? Probably not, because even if he had the chance to change how things are. He wasn’t sure he was strong enough to do so, but he wanted something to change here in the moment. He couldn’t very well carry on like nothing was wrong, like nothing was going to happen to their friendship after Kuroo left. It would be a near solid year before he would get to see him consistently again, perhaps chats over phone or computer, but it wasn't enough. And even then, would they get into the same college? Maybe so, but he wasn’t sure he wanted that either. But he had a question only Kuroo could truly answer, his mind could play games of yes and no, but the voices always lied to him in some way. They find loopholes for temporary happiness, and fool him oh so delicately. Almost like Kuroo.

‘Kuroo, meet me at the park we use to play at.’ With a simple text message shot the others way, Kenma swallowed the lump in his throat, sweaty palms shoving themselves in his pockets with his locked phone. Now, of all times he was getting cold feet. The deed was done, all that was left to question was whether Kuroo would come or not. But he was most certain he would, the twinge of doubt tugging at his conscience didn't sooth his nerves a bit. But, it was a majority rule after all.

Yamamoto tried his best, he really did, because disappointing Yaku was the last thing he wanted to do especially now. And if Kenma found out he was there, things could be soiled from the start. And they’d end up making things worse.  
So he did his best to be quiet, keep a safe distance without breathing down the boy’s neck, and letting him know of his presence. It was difficult when the world kept placing twigs or leaves in your path to step on. They were hard to avoid, after all. His main focus was on the other ahead of him rather than his steps.

Feeling his pocket buzz, Kuroo had a shot of anxiety. Like someone injected him with such a disease, his mind racing to whatever it may be. His feet kept moving, keeping a composed look even if his mind was anything but that, as he pulled the cell out he couldn’t get his fingers to work, too scared of what might be inside. Like some kind of demon, really. But nevertheless he had to open it, and stop being so scared of something so small as a text message. He couldn’t help it, things were tense today. He wasn’t sure if it was more tense, or the same level as last year. The memories of then something he tried to deeply forget about.

Reading over the printed words again, and again, he replied with a simple ‘Okay’ and changed his path, hanging a left down an all too familiar road. His mental GPS kicking in gear as he started to have flashbacks to better, simpler times.

-Flash Back: Start.

It was a bright summer day, one of those days where Kuroo had to practically pull Kenma out of his home. Away from his handheld, and into the outdoors where they could at the very least lay in the grass. Even if the younger boy complained about it itching, or the bugs, just spending time with Kenma was worth it. Even if he complained a lot some days, his very presence seemed to brighten up Kuroo’s day. And in turn, he cheered him up as well with his positivity, unknowingly of course. At that time, Kenma always looked glum to him.

“Come on Kenma!” The boy whined, tugging at his friend’s over-sized sweatshirt sleeve again. Huffing as Kenma barely budged. It was too warm to be wearing such a thing, but inside his home it was like a meat locker.

“It’s hot, and I hate the heat.” Kenma muttered, bringing up his leg to push Kuroo away with his foot lazily. Letting out a small whine as it was captured in the child like hands.  
“I got you now!” Kuroo cheered, pulling the far too thin leg some more, Kenma quickly moved to pause his game and darken the screen before he was permanently dragged away for the day. When Kuroo wanted something from him, or wanted him to do something, it was all too easy for him to get his way. Not even the cicadas screaming outside could muffle their miniature fight.

“Stop! I’m going to fall.” Kenma yelped, clinging onto the sheets of his newly made bed. But, that didn’t stop Kuroo of course, he didn’t think about the bed, or the fact that they could get hurt. His single-minded focus was getting Kenma outside come hell or high water.

With a final tug, frustrated growls emitting from Kuroo’s throat he gasped as the other finally let loose. But what he got, was more than expected.  
Landing with a thud, Kuroo on his back, Kenma sitting against his chest, the boy on the floor coughed, regaining some oxygen after the wind was knocked out of him he noted the situation, and how boney the others but was against his chest. Pushing Kenma to the side so he got off, the smaller boy’s face beat red, it was such an embarrassing position to be in. But he had little time to think.

“Jeez you’re heavy for such a small guy!” Even with the little complaint and fall, Kuroo jumped up again with a spring in his step. The joyous grin of victory on his face, he hastily reached down and grabbed Kenma’s arm, yanking the silently embarrassed boy up from the floor and towards his open bedroom door.

“Kuroo wait!” Kenma struggled to keep up, tripping over his own feet. But it was really no use. When Kuroo was set on the idea of something, it was so hard to change his mind. Even if that day involved them getting into a good amount of trouble for climbing trees, and for Kuroo dragging Kenma around everywhere. And then getting lost. Even if Kenma knew it was on purpose most times, Kuroo reluctant to let him go back home, but he had a better sense of direction then Kenma after all. So they were never truly lost. And if they ever had been, they could find themselves in each other. The reliability of best friends from opposite worlds, was unbelievable in some situations.

But, things like that, made Kenma happy in the long run. Something to reflect on, something nice, something sweet. Even if he was lost, he was never alone with Kuroo at his side. Kuroo always knew the way home, he just wasn’t ready to tell it yet. Even if it meant getting yelled at or lectured for staying out past bedtime, watching the stars was well worth it really. Everything was worth it. Every bit of it, every bit of laughter, every tear shed, every bit of sadness Kuroo managed to wash away and vise versa. Worth it.

-Flash Back: End.

He couldn’t stop the stupid grin from arriving on his face, those summer days as children were so simple. Staying out past dark just so he could show Kenma his favorite place to watch the stars, or sneaking out to his backyard when Kenma slept over to catch fireflies in jars. Only to let them go moments later after ogling them fondly, the way Kenma’s face lit up among the yellow glow made his heart skip a beat every time. And the way he watched the stars across the sky with such fascination made Kuroo see more in his own golden hues. And maybe he should’ve listened to his conscious then, but it was too late to regret it all now.

Times like those, were simple.   
He almost wished it was that simple again, so maybe they didn’t have to rush into figuring all this out. They didn’t have to discover feelings yet, they could’ve floated together forever, being everything but nothing at the same time.   
But emotions, are tricky things. 

By now the park they use to play at had mostly rusted sets, not many people lived in this district anymore and if anything there certainly weren’t children here. But he could still see it all in his head, even if the swing set was falling apart, the teeter-totter in two, among other things weren’t exactly the same. But it was a place full of wholesome memories. He knew the days where they would come here as the sun dawned, pushing each other or even playing in the sandbox now empty and full of leaves.  
Shaking his head softly, taking himself out of his daze, Kuroo hung his head lowly as he heard the exclamations of battle cries, and clashing swords and different mixed noises, he could only safely assume Kenma arrived before him and followed the sounds for not nearly long enough for his heart to stop hurting, but he wasn’t sure when this heavy feeling in his chest would go away. Maybe never, and maybe he needed that reminder to never hurt someone so bad again.

As he neared the last bench that wasn’t half broken and battered, there sat his best friend, least he hoped. Knees tucked up to his chest, wrist resting on his knobby knees as he pressed the buttons with focus.   
Residing beside him within a few steps, Kuroo sat down carefully as to not disrupt him too much, or break the bench.   
But the thick tension ate away at him slowly, inhaling deeply, he had to say something to break the silence.

“Hey..” Kuroo mumbled out, taking his bag off his lap and letting it drop beside the bench, leaves crunching beneath it. Kenma didn’t move, or make a show to pause his game. He kept mindlessly tapping the buttons, seemingly not paying attention to his surroundings, but Kuroo knew better than to assume. Kenma knew he was there, and all that he said. He listened even when no one thought he was.

The silence lasted for a minute or so, hearing a click Kuroo looked over again to see Kenma had darkened the screen, and was leaning over to place it in his bag again.   
As he sat up, and stretched out his legs in front of him Kenma refused to look at anything but the ground, too nervous and scared. His head was pounding, or was that his heart beat reaching his ears finally? What was the difference, really.

“What’s going on?” Kuroo tried out his softest voice, even when he was feeling terrified himself, the unknown running through his mind like a demon, Kenma was at the top of his list.. At least, for most things. He only hoped no one cried, but he had a feeling already welling up inside his throat and constricting him, that he would not be able to hold back tears, and neither would Kenma.

“I uh.. Wanted to talk to you about what’s been happening, on new year’s.” Kenma swallowed thickly, the anxious feelings burying themselves in his stomach as he tucked his knees back up again, toes curling in his shoes as his fingers clung to the loose fabric of his school pants. His breathing was shallow, and shaky. His words had barely came out above a whisper.

Blinking back any tears of frustration, Kuroo turned to face forward again. Joining the other in looking at the ground. “What about it.” There weren’t many things to say about it, but those few things that needed to be addressed- And weren’t being- Were huge for both of them. But the lack of will, and confidence present is what made them so buried, for so long.

“What.. Am I to you?” The dreaded question hung in the air, Kenma could feel the tears welling up and didn’t bother to stop them. There was no point, he’d end up crying anyways. No matter what Kuroo said, nothing could ever convince him he was actually loved in that way. Not after the firm no, and the sick deal he was made, ever since then he felt so dirty and used, it was only temporary after all, and out of pity. Was this past the point of love? Did they skip right around it in all their daze of fake happiness and ignorance? 

Kuroo inhaled deeply, holding his breath almost hoping he’d pass out. But that would be so cheap, he had to face this head on as he could handle. Pushing his lunch down he breathed out a tense sigh. “I… Wish I knew what to tell you, I wish I had an ultimate answer.. But I don’t.” His throat tightened, the tears tried to break loose but he wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t ready to cry, even if the soft sniffles from the boy next to him told everything in him to just hold him and cry. To kiss him, something, anything, but he couldn’t move. He shouldn’t move, after all, Kenma didn't deserve him. He deserved someone better.

“Even after.. All this time, you can’t figure this out?” Words choked up in between tears lightly streaming down his cheeks. Kenma couldn’t help it, all he wanted was yes or no. And he was hoping for yes even if he would feel it was forced, but instead he got a maybe. Before hand he had felt like repairs could be made, and maybe the still could be. But he wasn’t sure he wanted that, after all.

It was like a pang in his chest, but Kenma was right. He had plenty of time to figure this out, yet he chose to ignore these feelings whatever they may be, act like they didn’t exist. All the while hurting the person that stood by his side for so many years. The person that was supposed to mean the most to him. “I’m sorry.” That’s all he could say, even if he knew it was absolutely useless, and demeaning. What else could he say? Nothing, he couldn’t say a thing that would make it better, only worse.

He didn’t even try to stop Kenma as he stood, what could he do or say that would make things okay? Kenma wouldn’t believe him if he said he loved him now. He wasn’t entirely sure even if he had said it in the moment, that Kenma would believe him. Perhaps this was best, Kenma deserved someone better anyways, not someone who ignores his feelings for almost three years, acting like they don’t exist, acting like this was all some game, some score. Even if it was never like that to him, he could have done much better. 

All he could do was walk away, he might say something he’ll regret and drop the match to light everything up in flames. So Kenma took his bag, and left. The tears weren’t stopping, his bottom lip quivered as his throat burned, today’s lunch wanting to exit, what was he supposed to do now? What was he hoping to accomplish? Some peace of mind? Maybe. At least, now he knew how Kuroo felt for the most part. And maybe that was him pushing Kenma away, he didn’t bother reading Kuroo, he didn’t want to look at his face. But he was doing a great job at distancing himself, if that was his true intention.  
He felt foolish for even loving him in the first place. 

Yaku and Yamamoto were stumped still, watching from the bushes they could only hear a few words. But they could see clearly they were both crying. Yaku was tempted to go after Kenma, but how could he explain himself? ‘Oh yeah I was stalking you and Kuroo from the bushes and saw your emotional talk whatever it was about.’ Even with that thought in play, it didn’t stop Yamamoto from coming forward and scaring the crap out of Kuroo. Who tried to compose himself, but gave up the moment Yaku came out as well. It was no use really, Yaku was like a human lie detector.

No words were said, Yamamoto wasn’t sure how to comfort his captain, but Yaku sat at his side on the old bench, not afraid to lean in and pull Kuroo closer so his head rested on the smaller male’s shoulder. Arm reaching around behind Kuroo and rubbing his arm soothingly.  
Now, of all times was not a time for questions. Though he did have many, they both did really, Yaku would wait until Kuroo at least seemed better, or he got impatient.For the second it might be sooner rather than later. It was strange, seeing someone you saw almost every day in a different light, crying on your shoulder.   
Yamamoto sat on the edge of the bench, on the other side of Yaku and faced away from them. Arms resting on his knees as he registered everything happening. His mission had yet to be finished in his mind.

“..One of us needs to go after Kenma.” Was the only thing he muttered, Yamamoto shot up from the bench before anyone could say a word. Before Kuroo could even tell him not to, or to at least be careful. Yaku didn’t have time to say anything either, though he was sure someone needed to comfort Kenma. And it certainly wouldn’t be Kuroo after all. Even if they knew little of what was happening, they needed to be separated for the time being.

Yamamoto didn’t waste time, following the trail he believed their beloved setter took, he ignored the drop-lit’s of water tapping his shoulders and hitting his cheeks. More intent on finding his friend that getting a little wet. If it meant saving him from whatever pit he was falling in, Yamamoto could only do his best. After all he had a sister right? Maybe she could do something to help.. He could only do some protecting, a shield, a heater when he was cold. But emotions were not his forte. Even so, someone needed to do something.

“Kenma!” He called out, hands cupped around his mouth to carry his voice. The overhead showers only persisted on, making his search all that more difficult as not only the sound hindered him but the sight, it made him go into a frenzy, knowing they both needed to get out of this rain and fast. The last thing needed here was a cold.  
Looking into alley ways, streets, shops, anywhere he might’ve stopped Yamamoto raced around, entering a small market area with people trying to flee from the rain, umbrellas sprouting up every which way he surfed through, stretching up to look over heads and in between the plastic mobile shelter.

Dodging the people as best as he could, muttering a few apologies as he went, a familiar sight had caught his eye and he didn’t want to lose it. As he gained access to an open way he read the letters on the back of the drenched jacket, hair matching his memory Yamamoto charged forward and snagged Kenma’s sleeve just between his fingertips.

“Kenma!” As if to confirm his suspicion, the boy’s head whirled around in surprise. His eyes went wide, as wide as they could when they were already sore from crying. Out of all people, Yamamoto was the least expected, but someone he felt was better than Yaku. Yamamoto wouldn’t pry for answers, he gave space when needed and didn’t even understand everything. But sometimes, that was comforting to know someone wasn’t reading everything you did and calculating it. You were allowed to.. Just be. 

Taking a better grip on his arm, Yamamoto ushered Kenma over to an overhead shelter. Seeing his already frail figure start to shake, Yamamoto embraced him. There was very little struggle from the boy, he appreciated the warmth and the firm chest. Thin arms snaked around Yamamoto’s torso and hugged him back loosely. 

“I don’t know what is all out of whack, what I do know is… Everyone needs support here, including you.”

Kenma couldn’t help but let the tears break out again, pressing his face even further into Yamamoto he whimpered softly.   
His heart felt so empty, and maybe it had been that way for a long time, and Kuroo touching him just recharged him momentarily, like he was a dead battery someone was trying to hold onto desperately. At first he had expected to walk home at a shuffling pace, have the house to himself and be miserable in the same breath. But being held.. So tightly, he didn’t want to go home to that emptiness, and empty room, an empty bath, an empty bed. He needed someone. And maybe.. For now, Yamamoto was that someone.

~Till Next Time~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually going to be longer, with Yaku and Kuroo's conversation. But I decided a 3,000 word+ update was enough XD But, next chapter that will be included. But this one got rather wordy as well so I was reluctant to edit and proof read. ;-; But here it is!


End file.
